Choices

We are given free will from the moment of our birth. The choices we make determines the paths we travel upon, bringing results of joy, sorrow, ecstasy, and pain.

There have been many roads to explore in my life that have brought me to the present. My choices resulted in pain compared to a sharp edged razor cutting and tearing into my inner self leaving a hole, which I elected to fill with drugs and alcohol. They worked for a while to anesthetize the pain of the choices I made.

The disease of addiction carried me down to the depths of a bottomless pit where I felt safe in the cold darkness of my making. My disease progressed rapidly in a turbulent flight along the inescapable route of my choice. It left me feeling empty like a seashell washed up on the shore that has been vacated by its recent owner.

I did not have the tools of honesty, hope, and faith, nor the willingness to surrender and admit I was the problem. The comfort I once experienced in the darkness of that icy pit of hell I had chosen was no longer available. The drugs and alcohol were not the friends I thought they were. They had become like enemies waiting for their adversary to weaken so they could be victorious. They had turned on me as a deadly poisonous snake waiting to strike with its venom. My disease continued to beckon to me as a lover awaits their beloved’s return so the emptiness can be filled once again.

The insanity of active addiction lifted just for a moment and the choice became clear. Would it be life or death, darkness or light? My choice was life on life’s terms. Today, with the help of 12 step recovery programs, I have been given life and the tools needed to make healthy choices.

© 1997, Rhona Heflin. Authors permission to use this material must be obtained

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Choices - Do I Want To Surrender?

Do I want to surrender, or do I want to fight?
It is all a matter of doing what is right in the
darkness of this day and night.

Choices are circling around and around
in my mind like a colorful spinning top,
and my constant beseeching to please stop!

As a lover beckons with open arms,
it reaches for me displaying all its ghastly charms.
Its poisonous venom it keeps well hidden,
and with its promises of ecstasy I am bidden,
to once again plummet into the coldness of insanity
fearing that I would never escape my destiny.

Reaching upward with a hopeless unfilled hole inside
I plunge to my knees and give You my life.
Your good orderly direction and amazing grace,
saved me from shame, remorse and disgrace.

Yes, I will surrender and no longer fight,
turning over to You my will, this day and night.

© 2000, Rhona Heflin. Authors permission to use this material must be obtained

Sites you can visit
to for solutions

Cocaine Anonymous

Recovery Online

Addiction and Recovery

The Acceptance
Home page

AA Speaker Tapes
(listen on-line!)

AA Serenity
(women's e-mail group)

Recovery Resource Links

Recovery USA LLC

Sober Holidays

On-line
The Hope, Faith & Courage Group
(a sober E-mail group w/ over 200 addicts)
Subscribe at Hope, Faith & Courage Email List

Every day ...
Share a kind word with a friend.
Give away a smile.
Tell one secret.
Listen to what someone
has to say.
Listen with your heart
to what someone cannot say.
Try one new thing.
Forgive one person who has hurt you.
Forgive yourself for past mistakes.
Realize your imperfections.
Discover your possibilities.
Make a new friend.
Accept responsibility
for everything you do.
Refuse responsibility
for anyone else's actions.
Dream one dream.
Watch the sunset.
Cherish what you have.
Cherish who you are.
Love your life.

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